Saturday, December 31, 2016

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Update

Thursday evening, daddy got up to go to a nearby chair (about 12:30 a.m.)..I hear mama calling me/us.  Daddy has slipped down to the floor and can’t get himself up  We tried to help but couldn’t.  We called 911 told them it wasn’t an emergency but we needed help.  The fire department came out and got him back in his chair.  Later, I changed the wound dressing but the bag was fine 
Yesterday a.m. I go to look at the places and there is a lot of blood in the bag, there are crusted areas on top, I take everything off, redress the wound but can not fix the ostomy bag or stop the bleeding so off to the dr. office (after calling) we go.  We’d just put 4 x 4 gauze over the stoma..The dr. left it that way and said let the home nurse fix it later.  
Mama's doctor (who will probably be daddy's internist as well) actually made a house call to look at daddy (who has a lot of fluid retention). How awesome is that? 
Home nurse arrives and my mama gets up to go the bathroom.  Next thing I know I’m being urgently called in. Mama has passed out (luckily Martha was able to get her in a chair first), and can’t be roused.  I try for a few seconds and yell to Stephen to call 911 and the nurse to come look. Of course daddy is up and coming as well.  After a couple of minutes we finally get her to respond  but she’s lethargic and weak.  The nurse takes her bp which is very low.  Fire Department, EMT’s and police show up..she barely opens her eyes, is still lethartic and weak, can’t hold her arms up, etc but answers all the qustions correctly.  They suspect stroke as they say she slurring some of her words and the left side of her mouth is drooping.  I ride the long drive to the hospital with her.  There she finally starts responding..they do a lot of tests (she has a pace maker)  but all come back clean.  I think it was due to low blood pressure and stress  She has been worried about daddy and stressed about us leaving and her not having us here to do the changes–though for the most part, I think she could do it.  She is being dismissed today with a couple of medicine changes but that’s it. (btw, mama's dr also came by the hospital to check on her). 
Meantime, last night,  my older brother took my daddy home with the plan for him to call me and I’d talk him through the wound dressing change on the phone.  SO..he called, but there was a complication.  Daddy’s wound was bleeding severely.  I talked him through the dressing but an open wound bleeding that badly was cause for concern.  He ended up back in the hospital (via ambulance).  They finally admitted him but they really haven’t done much for him. The bleeding isn’t bad today but no one has said why it bled and he’s not seen a doctor today.  Craziness. 
Stephen and I went home last night at some point, ate while watching a show, then checked animals, did laundry, gathered items for mama,  kept up via texts from my siblings on parents, etc.  Restless night again due to worry but yeah.   
We are here at the hospital now, awaiting mama to be dismissed and come to see daddy.  I think we are wasting time with daddy here. He’s not seen a doctor today, they aren’t having him walk, etc..driving me nuts.  
We still plan (and I use the word loosely) to go home on Monday.  We shall see.  

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Tutoring Fun

Top blowing bottles (the carbon dioxide caused by the alka selzer blows the top off)




Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Grief..What I've learned

Having dealt with a little time of overwhelming heartbreak and grief,  I've learned a few things.  I hope you'll stay with me on this b/c I think it's important for all to know. 

What NOT to say:

 God is in control (meaning everything that happens is God's will). 1). It's insensitive and 2) it's not true. What kind of loving God would have rape, murder, infant death, etc in His will?  God, in His infinite and loving wisdom, allows us to make our own choices...what we'll do, who we'll marry, if we divorce, if we have children, etc..and sometimes those decisions lead not only ourselves but others to dire consequences.  It's not that I don't think/believe Abba is in control of certain things/situations; it's that I know it's not His will for evil to flourish and we can put ungodly things on Abba. 

They can have more children.  1) It's insensitive and 2) You don't know that to be true

Loss is Loss   1) insensitive and 2) not true. The death of a infant (particularly still born), is not the same as the death of a grandparent, an parent, even a younger child or miscarriage.  Though the differences do not negate the heart break, pain, grief of any type of death/loss they are still very much different.  I had time with my grandparents.  We laughed together, made memories together, they lived full and (though they had their share of heart aches) good lives.  We never got to do anything with Vincent David except say goodbye before we even had a chance to say hello. One of my friends put it well when she said, I don't understand your grief, but I understand grief.  Everyone grieves differently but to have someone say they undertand grief puts it more in perspective and lets us feel less alone. 

I had a feeling something was wrong.  Just insensitive to the grief.

Call me/let me know if you need anything. While it is very thoughtful and sweet and I can't speak for everyone, I think I've learned most people are not going to call or tell you that they need something.  They may not even know themselves what they need.  I did ask a great sister/ friend if she'd make sure we had food for the day of the memorial but other than that, I'm just not going to pick up a phone and call, text, email for help.  I can barely function most days so..yeah enough said.

It was their time.  Really? Insensitve to put it mildly. 

Even saying 'he/she is with God now" is not helpful..at least not right away.  We know where Vincent is.  That doesn't help our confustion, hurt or anger at him being taken away before he was even really here. 

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 

I'm sorry, I'm praying for you, I love you always works

Share your story if you have one..it helps people not feel alone in their grief and heartache.  I had a friend who shared about when her sister had a still born child and how she 'broke down'. That was helpful in an emotional way for me. 

Ask how you can pray specifically..another sister/friend did that and it made a world of difference.

I don't know what to say.  We are okay with others not knowing what to say..that they acknowledged our hurt and pain is important.  My sister called and she said she didn't know what to say or even what to pray really, but she was praying for us.  We talked and cried and I couldn't tell you what we said.  I doubt she could either, but by calling and telling me that, she let me know she was there for me.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Bring food (even after a week or so).  We are so grieved that the though of figuring out what to eat is a chore..much less having to fix it (especially,if like me, you have so much more going on).  Those who brought food really touched our hearts. One friend even brought the stuff to make food in the crock pot--got it all started, told me how to finish it off (easy to do) and left 'fixings' to go with the main meal.  Those who brought food for the day memorial brought, not only what we needed for a meal, for extra so we'd have leftovers and some things for 'snacking or light meals". 

Pray  (and, again, let it be know you are praying)
If you know the person/people are strapped financially, and you can help, do so with money, gift card, etc. This has been life saving and just miraculous for us. 

Allow the person to vent and/or grieve in their own way.  Everyone is a bit different so be understanding that grief doesn't have a time period and certainly not a short one. 
Know they may not want to talk about what happened for a long time..and maybe they will.  Allow them to do what they can/need to do. 

If you have a unique way of helping, offer to do so.  One of the things that has really helped with our healing already is a friend took flowers from the memorial and made beads from them.  She took a bead and lace and made angels for us to have and her son took the flowers and beads and made 'small pirate' jars for us.  It was unique, heartfelt and wonderful. 

Know they will thank you when they can.   A couple who are friends and who understand the death of a baby b/c they had their share of heartache in that area sent a gift but wrote 'no thanks' needed.  I will thank them at some point, but not feeling I needed to do it soon has relieved a burden. 
Understand grief may not be the only thing they are dealing with.  In my case, I'm still taking care of Stephen b/c of his surgery, taking care of Little Cutie a good deal (she comes in to sleep with me every night so I'm not getting even less sleep than normal), trying to make sure my son and dil are okay,  trying to make sure others are okay, cleaning, doing chores and just trying to survive the day without passing out. 

HOPEFULLY, THIS GIVES YOU A LITTLE BIT OF A GLIMPSE INTO THE LIFE OF SOMEONE WHO IS HEART BROKEN AND GRIEVING AND WAYS YOU CAN TRULY 'BE THERE' AND BE HELPFUL.

  THOUGH I'VE NEVER SAID THE 'DON'T SAY' THINGS AND HAVE SAID 'THE DO SAY' THINGS, THIS HAS TAUGHT ME I NEED TO BE MORE PRESENT, MORE HELPFUL IN THE FUTURE WHEN FRIENDS/FAMILY FACE GRIEVE OF ANY KIND.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WONDER, NO, I PERSONALLY, AM NOT ANGRY WITH ABBA. I AM CONFUSED, HURT, DISAPPOINTED, BUT I HAVE NOT LOST MY FAITH OVER VINCENT'S DEATH.  I HAVE NO IDEA WHY ABBA ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN AND WE (ABBA AND I)  TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.  I DON'T EXPECT ANSWERS THIS SIDE OF ETERNITY BUT I DO EXPECT TO STAND BEFORE HIM, ONE DAY, FAITH INTACT AND SEE THE LOVE HE HAS FOR ALL HIS CHILDREN. 

Grief..A few things I've learned.

Having dealt with a little time of overwhelming heartbreak and grief,  I've learned a few things.  I hope you'll stay with me on this b/c I think it's important for all to know. 

What NOT to say:

 God is in control (meaning everything that happens is God's will). 1). It's insensitive and 2) it's not true. What kind of loving God would have rape, murder, infant death, etc in His will?  God, in His infinite and loving wisdom, allows us to make our own choices...what we'll do, who we'll marry, if we divorce, if we have children, etc..and sometimes those decisions lead not only ourselves but others to dire consequences.  It's not that I don't think/believe Abba is in control of certain things/situations; it's that I know it's not His will for evil to flourish and we can put ungodly things on Abba. 

They can have more children.  1) It's insensitive and 2) You don't know that to be true

Loss is Loss   1) insensitive and 2) not true. The death of a infant (particularly still born), is not the same as the death of a grandparent, an parent, even a younger child or miscarriage.  Though the differences do not negate the heart break, pain, grief of any type of death/loss they are still very much different.  I had time with my grandparents.  We laughed together, made memories together, they lived full and (though they had their share of heart aches) good lives.  We never got to do anything with Vincent David except say goodbye before we even had a chance to say hello. One of my friends put it well when she said, I don't understand your grief, but I understand grief.  Everyone grieves differently but to have someone say they undertand grief puts it more in perspective and lets us feel less alone. 

I had a feeling something was wrong.  Just insensitive to the grief.

Call me/let me know if you need anything. While it is very thoughtful and sweet and I can't speak for everyone, I think I've learned most people are not going to call or tell you that they need something.  They may not even know themselves what they need.  I did ask a great sister/ friend if she'd make sure we had food for the day of the memorial but other than that, I'm just not going to pick up a phone and call, text, email for help.  I can barely function most days so..yeah enough said.

It was their time.  Really? Insensitve to put it mildly. 

Even saying 'he/she is with God now" is not helpful..at least not right away.  We know where Vincent is.  That doesn't help our confustion, hurt or anger at him being taken away before he was even really here. 

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 

I'm sorry, I'm praying for you, I love you always works

Share your story if you have one..it helps people not feel alone in their grief and heartache.  I had a friend who shared about when her sister had a still born child and how she 'broke down'. That was helpful in an emotional way for me. 

Ask how you can pray specifically..another sister/friend did that and it made a world of difference.

I don't know what to say.  We are okay with others not knowing what to say..that they acknowledged our hurt and pain is important.  My sister called and she said she didn't know what to say or even what to pray really, but she was praying for us.  We talked and cried and I couldn't tell you what we said.  I doubt she could either, but by calling and telling me that, she let me know she was there for me.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Bring food (even after a week or so).  We are so grieved that the though of figuring out what to eat is a chore..much less having to fix it (especially,if like me, you have so much more going on).  Those who brought food really touched our hearts. One friend even brought the stuff to make food in the crock pot--got it all started, told me how to finish it off (easy to do) and left 'fixings' to go with the main meal.  Those who brought food for the day memorial brought, not only what we needed for a meal, for extra so we'd have leftovers and some things for 'snacking or light meals". 

Pray  (and, again, let it be know you are praying)
If you know the person/people are strapped financially, and you can help, do so with money, gift card, etc. This has been life saving and just miraculous for us. 

Allow the person to vent and/or grieve in their own way.  Everyone is a bit different so be understanding that grief doesn't have a time period and certainly not a short one. 
Know they may not want to talk about what happened for a long time..and maybe they will.  Allow them to do what they can/need to do. 

If you have a unique way of helping, offer to do so.  One of the things that has really helped with our healing already is a friend took flowers from the memorial and made beads from them.  She took a bead and lace and made angels for us to have and her son took the flowers and beads and made 'small pirate' jars for us.  It was unique, heartfelt and wonderful. 

Know they will thank you when they can.   A couple who are friends and who understand the death of a baby b/c they had their share of heartache in that area sent a gift but wrote 'no thanks' needed.  I will thank them at some point, but not feeling I needed to do it soon has relieved a burden. 
Understand grief may not be the only thing they are dealing with.  In my case, I'm still taking care of Stephen b/c of his surgery, taking care of Little Cutie a good deal (she comes in to sleep with me every night so I'm not getting even less sleep than normal), trying to make sure my son and dil are okay,  trying to make sure others are okay, cleaning, doing chores and just trying to survive the day without passing out. 

HOPEFULLY, THIS GIVES YOU A LITTLE BIT OF A GLIMPSE INTO THE LIFE OF SOMEONE WHO IS HEART BROKEN AND GRIEVING AND WAYS YOU CAN TRULY 'BE THERE' AND BE HELPFUL.

  THOUGH I'VE NEVER SAID THE 'DON'T SAY' THINGS AND HAVE SAID 'THE DO SAY' THINGS, THIS HAS TAUGHT ME I NEED TO BE MORE PRESENT, MORE HELPFUL IN THE FUTURE WHEN FRIENDS/FAMILY FACE GRIEVE OF ANY KIND.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WONDER, NO, I PERSONALLY, AM NOT ANGRY WITH ABBA. I AM CONFUSED, HURT, DISAPPOINTED, BUT I HAVE NOT LOST MY FAITH OVER VINCENT'S DEATH.  I HAVE NO IDEA WHY ABBA ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN AND WE (ABBA AND I)  TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.  I DON'T EXPECT ANSWERS THIS SIDE OF ETERNITY BUT I DO EXPECT TO STAND BEFORE HIM, ONE DAY, FAITH INTACT AND SEE THE LOVE HE HAS FOR ALL HIS CHILDREN. 

Grieving...what I've learned in just a week.

Having dealt with a little time of overwhelming heartbreak and grief,  I've learned a few things.  I hope you'll stay with me on this b/c I think it's important for all to know. 

What NOT to say:

 God is in control (meaning everything that happens is God's will). 1). It's insensitive and 2) it's not true. What kind of loving God would have rape, murder, infant death, etc in His will?  God, in His infinite and loving wisdom, allows us to make our own choices...what we'll do, who we'll marry, if we divorce, if we have children, etc..and sometimes those decisions lead not only ourselves but others to dire consequences.  It's not that I don't think/believe Abba is in control of certain things/situations; it's that I know it's not His will for evil to flourish and we can put ungodly things on Abba. 

They can have more children.  1) It's insensitive and 2) You don't know that to be true

Loss is Loss   1) insensitive and 2) not true. The death of a infant (particularly still born), is not the same as the death of a grandparent, an parent, even a younger child or miscarriage.  Though the differences do not negate the heart break, pain, grief of any type of death/loss they are still very much different.  I had time with my grandparents.  We laughed together, made memories together, they lived full and (though they had their share of heart aches) good lives.  We never got to do anything with Vincent David except say goodbye before we even had a chance to say hello. One of my friends put it well when she said, I don't understand your grief, but I understand grief.  Everyone grieves differently but to have someone say they undertand grief puts it more in perspective and lets us feel less alone. 

I had a feeling something was wrong.  Just insensitive to the grief.

Call me/let me know if you need anything. While it is very thoughtful and sweet and I can't speak for everyone, I think I've learned most people are not going to call or tell you that they need something.  They may not even know themselves what they need.  I did ask a great sister/ friend if she'd make sure we had food for the day of the memorial but other than that, I'm just not going to pick up a phone and call, text, email for help.  I can barely function most days so..yeah enough said.

It was their time.  Really? Insensitve to put it mildly. 

Even saying 'he/she is with God now" is not helpful..at least not right away.  We know where Vincent is.  That doesn't help our confustion, hurt or anger at him being taken away before he was even really here. 

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 

I'm sorry, I'm praying for you, I love you always works

Share your story if you have one..it helps people not feel alone in their grief and heartache.  I had a friend who shared about when her sister had a still born child and how she 'broke down'. That was helpful in an emotional way for me. 

Ask how you can pray specifically..another sister/friend did that and it made a world of difference.

I don't know what to say.  We are okay with others not knowing what to say..that they acknowledged our hurt and pain is important.  My sister called and she said she didn't know what to say or even what to pray really, but she was praying for us.  We talked and cried and I couldn't tell you what we said.  I doubt she could either, but by calling and telling me that, she let me know she was there for me.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Bring food (even after a week or so).  We are so grieved that the though of figuring out what to eat is a chore..much less having to fix it (especially,if like me, you have so much more going on).  Those who brought food really touched our hearts. One friend even brought the stuff to make food in the crock pot--got it all started, told me how to finish it off (easy to do) and left 'fixings' to go with the main meal.  Those who brought food for the day memorial brought, not only what we needed for a meal, for extra so we'd have leftovers and some things for 'snacking or light meals". 

Pray  (and, again, let it be know you are praying)
If you know the person/people are strapped financially, and you can help, do so with money, gift card, etc. This has been life saving and just miraculous for us. 

Allow the person to vent and/or grieve in their own way.  Everyone is a bit different so be understanding that grief doesn't have a time period and certainly not a short one. 
Know they may not want to talk about what happened for a long time..and maybe they will.  Allow them to do what they can/need to do. 

If you have a unique way of helping, offer to do so.  One of the things that has really helped with our healing already is a friend took flowers from the memorial and made beads from them.  She took a bead and lace and made angels for us to have and her son took the flowers and beads and made 'small pirate' jars for us.  It was unique, heartfelt and wonderful. 

Know they will thank you when they can.   A couple who are friends and who understand the death of a baby b/c they had their share of heartache in that area sent a gift but wrote 'no thanks' needed.  I will thank them at some point, but not feeling I needed to do it soon has relieved a burden. 
Understand grief may not be the only thing they are dealing with.  In my case, I'm still taking care of Stephen b/c of his surgery, taking care of Little Cutie a good deal (she comes in to sleep with me every night so I'm not getting even less sleep than normal), trying to make sure my son and dil are okay,  trying to make sure others are okay, cleaning, doing chores and just trying to survive the day without passing out. 

HOPEFULLY, THIS GIVES YOU A LITTLE BIT OF A GLIMPSE INTO THE LIFE OF SOMEONE WHO IS HEART BROKEN AND GRIEVING AND WAYS YOU CAN TRULY 'BE THERE' AND BE HELPFUL.

  THOUGH I'VE NEVER SAID THE 'DON'T SAY' THINGS AND HAVE SAID 'THE DO SAY' THINGS, THIS HAS TAUGHT ME I NEED TO BE MORE PRESENT, MORE HELPFUL IN THE FUTURE WHEN FRIENDS/FAMILY FACE GRIEVE OF ANY KIND.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WONDER, NO, I PERSONALLY, AM NOT ANGRY WITH ABBA. I AM CONFUSED, HURT, DISAPPOINTED, BUT I HAVE NOT LOST MY FAITH OVER VINCENT'S DEATH.  I HAVE NO IDEA WHY ABBA ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN AND WE (ABBA AND I)  TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.  I DON'T EXPECT ANSWERS THIS SIDE OF ETERNITY BUT I DO EXPECT TO STAND BEFORE HIM, ONE DAY, FAITH INTACT AND SEE THE LOVE HE HAS FOR ALL HIS CHILDREN. 

Monday, May 16, 2016

Because you asked...;-)

Several of you have asked for directions to some of the things I've done in tutoring so here they are. 

The erupting art is fun and easy. 
Needed: salt, baking soda, vinegar, cardboard or poster board, food coloring a dropper or squeeze bottle and white glue. 

Mix equal amounts of salt and baking soda (I used 1/2 cup each as I wanted extra) and set it aside.  Take your cardboard or poster board  (I had white on hand but black would show up great) and draw a design with the glue making sure all lines connect.  Sprinkle your mixture over it, shake off excess and set aside to dry.  While ours was drying, we did another project. 
Once dry (either do this outside or in a pan if small enough drawing), put vinegar and a little food coloring in a dropper or bottle,   Drip onto the drawing..try to keep it directly on the drawing if you desire a better outcome.  The art will fizzle and 'erupt'. 

We used the left over mixture for our volcano (which came from a kit and one that we can use over and over).  

Basically, all kids like to see things fizzle so you can take baking soda and a little water..roll the baking soda into balls or any shape (add food coloring for extra pizzazz) put in the freezer.  Once frozen, take out...put on a pan...drop vinegar and watch the fizzing begin. .  You can also put baking soda in a balloon (use a funnel) and vinegar in a bottle.  Hold the balloon at the top so the baking soda can't come out...place the balloon top over the top of the bottle.  Let the baking soda fall into the vinegar and the balloon will begin to fill up. ;-) 

  Milk into Plastic

I tripled the recipe to have enough for two 'stars'. 
Needed: 1 cup milk (we used three) 
4 tbsp vinegar (we used 12).
strainer and paper towels
Food coloring and small cookie cutter optional 

Put milk into microwave for one to two minutes.  You want it warm/hot but not boiling.
Add vinegar and stir for at least a minute.  Milk will start to clump as it breaks down the protein in the milk. 
Stain the milk through the strainer, the clumps will stay--push to get out as much liquid as possible.
Finally transfer it to paper towel and continue to press out liquid.  You can then color and shape it..We put ours in a small heart shape cookie cutter...Then put a hole in the top so we could later hang it. 
Set it somewhere to dry--a couple of nights. 

Star Wars Bottles

Needed: clear bottles, clear glue, glitter. food coloring, water and glow in the dark sticks (available at Dollar Tree) or Dollar Stores)

Put a little water in the bottle, add just a little clear glue and as much glitter as you desire.  Fill bottle with water and add just a drop of food coloring (too much makes it too dark). Put lid on bottle and shake well.   Break glow in the dark sticks and add to the bottle.  There you have it--fun, Star Wars Bottles.  The best part is you can take the sticks out once they quick working and add new ones OR just make an entirely new bottle. ;-) 


Sunday, May 8, 2016

Videos


First video is at the church where my oldest brother pastors.  Children singing.  The second and third are of Little Cutie jumping on the bed. lol. 


video


video


video

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Life Force

While here at the hospital with mom (my mother in law), this is the view (day and night).  I can NOT believe how often these choppers come in.  They are "Life Force" choppers.  And while I like the see the choppers (mom has the lights off, no noise so this is my entertainment some as well), I know who MY life force is.  Thanking Abba (Father God) for He is and does.

video

Sunday, April 24, 2016

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Here's little cutie saying 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious ;-) 

video

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

AS Awareness Month.

Here are some of the posters from our Blue Shirt AS Awareness Day. 



Loved the added red and the heart in the one above
Loved the blue ribbon body below 


Love the quote on this "Awareness is a great agent of change"..and the superheroes. 


This one sparkled ;-) Done by a 7 year old


A 6 year old did this one..cute, huh? 


This is me and this 4 year old student's day fighting (below). I'm winning, of course.  He has the yellow belt on and me the black one..;-) Plus he's taller. 


This one had info on where to donate.


Love the 'keep calm' theme


How cute is Tweety?  


Saturday, April 16, 2016

BABY GOATS PLAYING

There's nothing cuter than baby goats playing.  Here's Constance (Connie), Charleston (Charles), Clayton and Columbo playing.


video


video





Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Hair

Been working on getting my hair to the color I want..This is getting closer.  No unusual or funky colors...just going for a strawberry blonde.  I can work with that palette either going darker or lighter..different high lights, etc.  There's a bit of pink (fading each time from the crayon red) that turned into a champagne pinkish color.  I actually like it a lot.  Next time (May) we'll add in a bit more strawberry blonde color..just in time for summer. The 1st, 2nd, and last picture are probably a more accurate picture of the actual color.  Though you can see the pinkish color in Photo #3.  There is a lot of blonde with reddish in between.








Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Well worth the read.  Click on the word 'Waiting". 

Waiting

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Friday, January 1, 2016

CHOOSE

There is a site that is called OneWord365.  I came across it last year.   Still another 'My One Word".   The idea, of course is to have one word to focus on all year long, rather than a New Year's Resolution.  Off and on all last year, I attempted to come up with one word.  Create. Still.  Surrender.  etc.  None quite fit.  This year, just recently, Abba gave me my 'one word'.  CHOOSE. It is a word filled with meaning. 

It's a verb..a doing word..action.  It means to select FREELY and after consideration, pick by preference, to prefer or decide (to do something), to want, desire, to be inclined.  Synonyms include: accept, embrace, make up one's mind, determine and one of my favorites: espouse (to stand up for, adopt, embrace).

I have had an extremely rough year (especially since the end of June).  My stress levels are off the charts, my lack of sleep leaves me 'hurting tired', easily irritated, and frustrated (to name a few).  So CHOOSE seemed an important word. 

I have been reading Choose Joy 
Finding Hope and Purpose When Life Hurts by Sara Frankl and Mary Carver ) the link to the book will be given at the end of the post)  and I kept thinking that it was the choosing..the desire to have joy that made Sara different.  It wasn't joy that was the main word..but CHOOSE.  Then low and behold, I read in chapter 7 the following: 

I made a decision a long time ago time ago that I was going to choose joy. I even painted a big rectangle on my wall and printed it in big letters so I wouldn't forget to make that choice every day.  The major word in that rectangle isn't joy, it's CHOOSE.  it's looking around me when life is difficult and trading every complaint I have for something beautiful in my life that far outweights it.

And, boom..lightening bolt.  CHOOSE.  It's not as easy as it sounds--at least not for me.  I plan to get vinyl letters and put CHOOSE on my wall.  I want to see it daily.  I want to remember that each day, each moment, I can choose.  I choose my attitude, my actions, my thoughts, my reactions.  I desire to choose wisely, to choose  forgiveness, patience, love, justice, mercy, compassion and most of all, I want to choose JOY (the unwavering trust that God knows what He's doing and blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of..not despite what's happening in my life but because of it..  When everything earthly feels heavy, He gives me an internal lightness that can't be touched.--Sara's definition).

My 'one word' is a huge one for me.  May I choose wise--as Abba would have me do.  I desire to choose life (emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually).  I can't control others, or life, or my health, or situation...but I can CHOOSE how I handle each thing.  I can CHOOSE joy and that choice starts right now.