Lately, I've found myself thinking I'm 'too' ______for this chapter in my life. Too old, too exhausted, too overwhelmed, too financially strapped, too much in pain, too overloaded, too this and that.
I'm 'too______to be 'raising' this 2 year old who belongs to our middle son's fiance'. I'm too_______ to be 'raising her immature mother (who is also bipolar) to have two more in our house to feed, watch, care for, buy for etc. I'm too______to help out my parents like I need to when my daddy has his surgery. I'm too__________to continue dealing with all the drama at karate. I'm too______to deal with this chapter in my life.
There is so much pain now, lack of sleep, lack of fiances, lack of time. It's like raising my own child again. I can't potty, shower, or dress in private. I get less sleep than normal (and normal isn't much). I'm in a lot more pain and I'm exhausted. I'm just 'too'.
But I'm reading a book called, Choose Joy by Sara Frankl and Mary Carver. Sara died of complications from AS (the auto immune disease I have) and other things it led to and I 'met' her originally on a blog. When she died, it broke my heart. She was such an inspiration..a hero to me really. Her definition of joy resonated with me but I never knew how to obtain that. She made it seem so simple (and yet I know it wasn't and, it was ;-) ) While reading her book though I'm come to realize it really is simple and difficult at the same time..it really is just that...a choice.
Sara's definition of joy is the unwavering trust that God knows what He’s doing and has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it… not despite what’s happening in my life but because of it. When everything earthly feels heavy He gives me an internal lightness that can’t be touched.
An internallightness that can't be touched..who doesn't want that?
And Abba has given us blessings: a Bible study group that 'adopted' "Little One' for Christmas, left over presents from a family we were helping for "Little One's" Birthday, money in a Christmas card, and a gift from a friend for a year's membership to the "Chattown" Zoo, a husband who listens to me 'vent', and calms me down ;-), friends who pray for me, a friend who made me peanut butter fudge and the opportunity to read this book coming out in January by Sara.
Sara, despite immense pain, suffering and hardships, chose joy..every day. I am working on that because despite the fact that I'm 'too'...for all this in my life lately, I'm choosing..I choose joy. I choose to continue to do the best I can every day to 'shine' for Him. I choose to be grateful for my family, my husband, friends, blessings and this "Little One' that now calls me GiGi. I choose to help her mom and our son the best that I can. I choose french fries, cheesecake and fried chicken (without worrying about my weight ;-) ) . I choose lovely skies, wild turkeys, Christmas decorations, enjoying tutoring, and karate. I choose helping my parents with all the energy I can muster. I choose joy. So, for you Prayer Warriors please remember me to the Father...Please pray I choose wisely and choose joy daily.
A link to the upcoming book: Reserve your copy.